« $toneßroke Manor »

Computer Terms - Ozark Style

Out here in the vast Ozarks of Missouri, we have already come up with meanin’s for all the words now used by them thar city slickers with those computin’ contraptions and that darn Internet web thingy.

BACKUP

– That's what you do when you run across a skunk in the hills.

BAR CODE

– Them thar’s the fight’n rules down at the saloon.

BROWSER

– How Jed's dog pronounces his name.

BUG

– Is what you caught, and that’s why yore callin’ in sick (agin).

CACHE

– Place where you store the output from yore still.

CHIP

– Meadow muffins used in local cow chip tossing contests.

CPU

– What junior sez when his diapers didn't quite fit snug enough and the load was lost.

CRASH

– When you check in on the slumber parties uninvited.

DIGITAL

– Using your fingers and toes for countin’ purposes.

DISKETTE

– Scantily clad Disco Dancer.

DOS

– What we hitch to the wagon to go into town for provisions.

DOT MATRIX

– She runs the rooms above the saloon.

FAX

– What you use to chop down big f’n trees.

FLOPPIES

– What sis had after I borrowed her double barreled sling-shot.

FORMAT

– That thing outside the front door for wipin' yore boots on.

GATES

– Where you put the animals out to pasture.

HACKER

– Cousin Zeke who smoked like a stoker furnace for 40 year.

HARDCOPY

– What’s left when all the inside pages are gone from the catalog in the outhouse.

INKJET

– Happin's all the time if you don't eat the right grub.

INTERNET

– Where cafeteria workers put their hair.

INTEL-PENTIUM

– Isn't that what the kids do in the phonebooth?

IP

– Don't everybody!

KEYBOARD

– Place where tractor keys are stored by the back door.

LOCK-UP

– Where the sheriff puts you if you didn't stay ONLINE.

MAC

– Any stranger snoopin’ aroun’ town.

MEGAHERTZ

– What your head feels like after a jug of white lightnin’.

MODEM

– What we do when the weeds get up to the roof.

MONITOR

– Kind of lizard Auntie Em resembles.

MOUSE PAD

– Where Minnie and Mickey live.

NETWORK

– Seining the river fer bait.

ONLINE

– What to stay on when the sheriff pulls you over after leavin’ the saloon.

PLUG

– Piece of chawin' tobacci that makes you spit.

ROM

– What the cattle do in the south forty.

SCREEN

– Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.

SERIAL PORT

– A red wine you drink with breakfast.

SUPERCONDUCTOR

– Train fireman that let’s you cob coal from the tender for home heatin’.

TAR

– Used to hold feathers on.

TERMINAL

– What you get just before going to the funeral house.

UPS

– The guy that brings the stuff we ordered from the Sears Roebuck Catalog.

WEB

– What the spiders weave across pert near every doorway.

WINDOWS

– What we peeped through at the widow Pott's house late at night.

ZIP

– Something we try to instill the younguns to do after using the outhouse.

TTUL - 73+ de Gary - KGØZP